I do this thing…when something bad happens, big or small, where right after it happens I say “It’s fine, everything’s fine.” …As if saying the words will actually make the sentiment true.
Spill a cup of coffee? “It’s fine”
Car breaks down? “It’s fine”
Didn’t get that promotion? “It’s fine”
Live in boyfriend of 2+ years leaves you without any warning, like, in the middle of the day…as in, he had his work bag and kissed you goodbye, got in his car, and just drove to another state after he’d been planning it for at least four days?
“It’s fine, everything is fine.”
Yeah, that last one was not at all fine – at first. But, it happened. And it kind of does have to be fine. (Disclaimer #1: this girl understands that as they say, there are 3 sides to every story, his, mine and the truth. Wait, that’s an actual saying – right? Sometimes I refer to a saying that isn’t actually a saying at all. I digress…point being, I realize that I’m not completely void of responsibility as to the state of our relationship at the time of this dude’s sudden departure aannnd disclaimer #2: this dude had a lot of stuff going on, a crisis of sorts, that really didn’t have much to do with me as an actual person).
And while this insane thing that happened, this blindsiding punch in the stomach, meant a larger than life fear I’ve had most of my adult life of being left behind was actually realized – that’s not what this blog is intended to be about. Because let’s face it, relationships end every day, bad things happen (like really bad things, so much worse than this) to good people all the time. And the world keeps chugging on. You don’t really have a choice, time doesn’t stop, the sun comes up, and then it sets, every day.
So, this blog will be about what I do now. And not just with this situation, but with all transitions, planned or unplanned. It will be about how I figure things out, and how I do it with class (well, maybe not always), dignity (I mean, one can hope), honesty (a must), a positive spirit (I’m going to do my best) and humor (or I might fall apart).
I actually have a pretty great life. Am I living the life I imagined at 20? No, not at all. I’m suddenly single, without children – both not necessarily by choice. But, I have a great job, a freaking amazing family, some kick ass friends, and I’m a pretty cool person. I have challenges just like everyone, but I have come to a place of being able to change my outlook to roll through those challenges without being paralyzed, or wallowing – even though it isn’t always easy.
Resilience isn’t always hardwired, but depending on our commitment to a happy and healthy life, we all have the ability to build on skills to allow us to bounce back from the crap that life throws at us faster, and be stronger for it. Maybe not all of us know that. I know I didn’t used to, and maybe I’ll have less tolerance as life goes on, or I might need some help. And you might too. So, let’s engage, and collaborate. I’ll share tips and tricks on how I’m bouncing back, or areas I might be looking for the same.
Because the latest unexpected change is the impetus of this here blog, we’ll start there. I’ve decided to zoom out and approach my new reality with some honesty. Instead of going with a micro focused perception of “the love of my life left me behind”, I’m going to choose to look at the bigger picture:
~Eh, he really wasn’t the love of my life. He was a kind, loving, nice dude…until he wasn’t so much.
~I feel a huge relief from the stress the circumstances of the relationship brought me.
~I kind of really am better off
~I’m not a victim. And never will be.
~I did the best that I could, and it was pretty damn great. Actually, I’m pretty damn great.
~I have opportunities to re engineer my next step, and the future’s so bright I gotta wear shades. 🙂
Listen, you can pay anyone to do anything. My latest predicament found me with the need to move suddenly. I never really wanted to be in the city we were in or really the house we were in – and I wanted to avoid triggers that might make it harder to move on swiftly. Couple my emotional fragility at the time with the 7 times I’ve moved in the last 10 years, I felt overwhelmed and was now dealing with a crap ton of stuff that wasn’t even mine and wanted out. So, I found this awesome resource with this handy tool called Google 😉 – a full on outsourced organizing service. Dude, she was AWESOME. She did everything, and I was zen and had peace of mind. Money more than well spent. Thank you Lindsay at Bay Organizers for everything!
So there you have it, everything is fine. 🙂